I love him more than anything, it scares the hell outta me

So last night was another night of very deep conversation. Those of you who know what’s been going on understand that statement, for everyone else it's like this. obviously, despite all the BS over the weekend, I think I may have found my "the one" now if he sees this, and I’m sure he will, he will probably panic so: (baby just keep reading and you'll get it) for everyone else: we are possibly the worlds two corniest, most chicken shit, misunderstood hopeless romantics of all time; and that makes us awesome together. Now for most people this next statement is going sound really crazy (that just goes to show the depth of the hold that media and society have on you) but we haven’t had sex. And that is totally awesome right now. You see, we both have experienced such horrible relationships that both of us are gun shy. Not to say that I don’t thoroughly enjoy the feeling of new love, but it’s scares the crap out of me. And needless to say, (but said for the benefit of those who just don’t get it) it scares him too. The awesome thing is, that never in my life have I had a connection to anyone that I could not place into one category physical, emotional, or spiritual; and the honest truth is that 99% of all my past relationships can easily be categorized as physical connections (hence they are deemed “previous relationships”). But this time the connection is on a level that is far beyond physical, I mean yeah I think he’s sexy and I want to lick his body but you know what, what he and I have, this thing, the ability to talk for 8-10 hours at a time face to face and never get bored or experience the “uncomfortable silence” always having fun without missing a beat is so amazing. It really is the mental stimulation that I have always needed and wanted in a relationship but could never find. The connection we have goes so far beyond physical that this arrangement we have to not have sex isn’t really an issue. Now don’t get me wrong I’m as frisky as the next kitty and I do so want to play but I also know that our relationship is too awesome to corrupt it on that level. And that is what it is, because sex would corrupt the purity of it really, and it’s not time for that yet. So yeah last night was another one of those nights when somehow we were sitting there talking, punctuating periodically with a kiss now and then, and looked up at the clock only to realize that it was, again 4am. Of course at that point I took him home and after a little cuddling, remember no sex, I went home and went to bed, wanting nothing more than to have been able to stay with him. And if anyone of you wonder, yes we have slept together before, and I do emphasize the term SLEPT and it was very nice and very sweet and aside from the blanket not quite covering he and I and at least one of three dogs (this of course leading to my frozen rear-end the following morning) it was perfect. I did tell him he needed a bigger blanket next time though. So I am once again on cloud nine and to be quite honest, as always of course, even if I “step on a Lego” today I will still be happy because I truly believe that there is nothing is this world that will mess this up. I’ll tell you this much the decision to love myself and live with no regrets and his decision to quit being romantically impulsive and ruining his life for a fake woman who only wants his money or his sympathy or whatever else they may want have really been what has made this awesome. Timing is everything! It really is. This so would not have been doable a couple of years ago. And I’m so glad that I stopped looking for love. It has made this adventure so much more exciting; And so much more realistic because I wasn’t pushing for it. In a lot of ways it truly was a realistic version of love at first sight. And it’s not that I fell in love the first time I saw him I saw him a million times before really but the first time that I saw past him and into him my belly did flip-flops and all rational thought kind of went out the door and for a very quiet and speculative moment I reveled in the magic of it; and when that initial emotion ran its course, making me speechless to say the least, I knew that I had seen forever and after some very tentative searching I determined that no matter how slowly we take things I am already screwed. So all of that said I close with this. Love can be a funny thing when you let it find you and it may not always be where your fantasies thought it would be but it’s exactly where it’s meant to be. (for those of you don’t know Aaron is blonde haired, blue eyed, Irish and adorable, my typical man has dark hair, tan skin, brown eyes and is usually Italian.) so he may not be the man that I used to see in my future but he’s the only man I see now. And I love him with every part of my heart and soul, after my son he wins the trophy for the one person in the world I would kill/die for. He is really the most beautiful, wonderful, best tasting, honest, caring, and deep leprechaun I have ever met. Yes I called him a leprechaun, I love him, what can I say. It’s just that simple.