wow emotions are so complicated

more than anything i want to smother him with kisses and love yous and all that mushy shit. i want to hold him and touch him and for one minute have his undivided attention but he doesn't get that. if i get too close i'll drive him away and is the last thing in the world i want to do. but right now it's killing me holding it in. i want to explode I'm not sad really i love this feeling but i want to gush and at the same time i need to hold back. why can't it be as special for men as it for women? i'm still not talking about sex we still haven't done that and won't for a long while. neither of us are ready for that in our relationship yet.it's eating me alive! i'm telling you if it's not anger eating me to death it pure frackin love. WTF! i hate this i hate this i hate being so emotional and so passionate about everything. it's like we're fighting but we're not really i hate this i just want for once for things to be easy. i need to hold him so badly and he's just right here so close and yet i cannot touch him. i'm too full of these powerful emotions i hate love i hate anger i hate pain i hate these stupid feelings. i just want him to let me hold him but i don't want to push him away i want more than anything to keep him close forever and i can't stand that he's not i dunno just this way. yeah i know this doesn't make any sense i need to take a break i need to step back but i want him to know how i feel and i'm not sure this is something i can make sense of.

I love him more than anything, it scares the hell outta me

So last night was another night of very deep conversation. Those of you who know what’s been going on understand that statement, for everyone else it's like this. obviously, despite all the BS over the weekend, I think I may have found my "the one" now if he sees this, and I’m sure he will, he will probably panic so: (baby just keep reading and you'll get it) for everyone else: we are possibly the worlds two corniest, most chicken shit, misunderstood hopeless romantics of all time; and that makes us awesome together. Now for most people this next statement is going sound really crazy (that just goes to show the depth of the hold that media and society have on you) but we haven’t had sex. And that is totally awesome right now. You see, we both have experienced such horrible relationships that both of us are gun shy. Not to say that I don’t thoroughly enjoy the feeling of new love, but it’s scares the crap out of me. And needless to say, (but said for the benefit of those who just don’t get it) it scares him too. The awesome thing is, that never in my life have I had a connection to anyone that I could not place into one category physical, emotional, or spiritual; and the honest truth is that 99% of all my past relationships can easily be categorized as physical connections (hence they are deemed “previous relationships”). But this time the connection is on a level that is far beyond physical, I mean yeah I think he’s sexy and I want to lick his body but you know what, what he and I have, this thing, the ability to talk for 8-10 hours at a time face to face and never get bored or experience the “uncomfortable silence” always having fun without missing a beat is so amazing. It really is the mental stimulation that I have always needed and wanted in a relationship but could never find. The connection we have goes so far beyond physical that this arrangement we have to not have sex isn’t really an issue. Now don’t get me wrong I’m as frisky as the next kitty and I do so want to play but I also know that our relationship is too awesome to corrupt it on that level. And that is what it is, because sex would corrupt the purity of it really, and it’s not time for that yet. So yeah last night was another one of those nights when somehow we were sitting there talking, punctuating periodically with a kiss now and then, and looked up at the clock only to realize that it was, again 4am. Of course at that point I took him home and after a little cuddling, remember no sex, I went home and went to bed, wanting nothing more than to have been able to stay with him. And if anyone of you wonder, yes we have slept together before, and I do emphasize the term SLEPT and it was very nice and very sweet and aside from the blanket not quite covering he and I and at least one of three dogs (this of course leading to my frozen rear-end the following morning) it was perfect. I did tell him he needed a bigger blanket next time though. So I am once again on cloud nine and to be quite honest, as always of course, even if I “step on a Lego” today I will still be happy because I truly believe that there is nothing is this world that will mess this up. I’ll tell you this much the decision to love myself and live with no regrets and his decision to quit being romantically impulsive and ruining his life for a fake woman who only wants his money or his sympathy or whatever else they may want have really been what has made this awesome. Timing is everything! It really is. This so would not have been doable a couple of years ago. And I’m so glad that I stopped looking for love. It has made this adventure so much more exciting; And so much more realistic because I wasn’t pushing for it. In a lot of ways it truly was a realistic version of love at first sight. And it’s not that I fell in love the first time I saw him I saw him a million times before really but the first time that I saw past him and into him my belly did flip-flops and all rational thought kind of went out the door and for a very quiet and speculative moment I reveled in the magic of it; and when that initial emotion ran its course, making me speechless to say the least, I knew that I had seen forever and after some very tentative searching I determined that no matter how slowly we take things I am already screwed. So all of that said I close with this. Love can be a funny thing when you let it find you and it may not always be where your fantasies thought it would be but it’s exactly where it’s meant to be. (for those of you don’t know Aaron is blonde haired, blue eyed, Irish and adorable, my typical man has dark hair, tan skin, brown eyes and is usually Italian.) so he may not be the man that I used to see in my future but he’s the only man I see now. And I love him with every part of my heart and soul, after my son he wins the trophy for the one person in the world I would kill/die for. He is really the most beautiful, wonderful, best tasting, honest, caring, and deep leprechaun I have ever met. Yes I called him a leprechaun, I love him, what can I say. It’s just that simple.

how do you tell someone to go away?

how do you tell someone to go away? hmm interesting thought huh. i mean is it fair to tell a person you want them to go away when you don't have a good reason for not wanting them around and a lot of reasons for them to stay? i'm in a bit of a predicament aren't i? i want him to go away but i don't what to do. i highly doubt its just a phase considering that i've felt this way for a while and it's not fair and now there are all kinds of reasons he might assume i want him gone and i know he won't understand it sux. to have been feeling this way fro so long and yet i can not bring myself to say go away, get out i'm done i'm tired and this has run its course. life is such a pain sometimes and i hate being so emotional i wish there was an easy way. i don't how to go about it can't someone help me?

so many times we let our imaginations get the best of us

Have you ever noticed how we so often let our imaginations get the best of us? Yeah even me; it’s like when you’ve been hurt so many times that the first time a person you love does something a little out of the ordinary you start to wonder if they really love you. Yeah life can be so dramatic internally. You go through your day wondering what’s going on. What did I do? What could I have done differently? How can I change this? But logically you know you can’t change it and there is nothing to change and it doesn’t matter cuz everything is fine you’re just freaking out internally for no reason. I’m in that place today. I didn’t get the call I expected last night, he wasn’t here with me, I can’t get hold of him but I know he is probably just sleeping for the first time since he came home and it kills me that I can’t hold him and cool him breakfast and kiss him and tell him every second how I feel inside. This is the most amazing experience I have ever had with a man and it’s not even sexual so that makes this that much harder. I’m feeling so concerned that he hasn’t said anything to me yet today but I know that that is only because he is probably asleep of his phone is dead it is after all a POS so yeah it makes sense. It’s just that I love him so much and hate every second that we’re not together. I pray every second that he will call me so I know he is ok because I know him well enough to know that he might have gotten himself onto trouble lol. O life is just that way and this is an internal test to make sure I’m not going to go all clingy crazy, psycho girlfriend lol. I know there is a chance of that so that’s why I’m writing this so I stop thinking about what might be happening and try to focus on the reality. He hasn’t slept in days I just hope he gets up in time to watch the game otherwise he’s going to be bummed. Well anyway that’s all the whining I have for now and it’s still driving me crazy and I’m worries sick I hope he’s ok. But mostly I hope I haven’t said something that upset him to the point that he doesn’t want to talk to me.

life is a dream

it never ceases to amaze me that the most amazing experiences in our lives are unexpected moments. and the most wonderful feelings are the ones we never thought we'd have. have you experienced the kind of kiss that's melts away all your senses and if you could just hold on to that one minute for the rest of your life you forever be on cloud nine. yeah i knew i loved him before he kissed me but i didn't know i couldn't live without him until then. now i wish we hadn't decided to take it easy and make sure we knew as much as we could about each other. i know that emotions can get the best of us so yeah we decided to take it easy now it's so crazy intense and i don't mean on any sexual level might sound nuts but if we never had sex it would still be amazing. i can't get over it! it's astonishing.

well to all my devoted readers lol i know i dont have any

but for the rare few who have happened upon my lame little blog and opted into reading from time to time i will say this much. AARON is on way yay! ok that's all nothing important is happening other than that and frankly i don't care if it was cuz i'm excited! yippee for me i might actually enjoy this weekend.

In the begining a choice was made

have you ever just stopped to wonder at all the amazing things there are in the world. take for instance the trees, so statuesque so stately so proud and within them there is another world. They are homes, they are food, they are what makes this world livable literally. and the same can be said for the babies, for elderly, for the moments we spend racing through our lives with the only real goal being that we get on to the next task. what kind of life is that? someone tell me can we really be content going through our lives with no goal in mind? no i'm serious! think about it people we the human race strive toward one thing and that is things but what does that teach anyone, and what joy does that bring us? never in my life have i seen a u-haul in a funeral procession. none of the crap we have on this earth goes with us when we are gone. wouldn't it be far wiser and of much greater importance if in the dash of our lives we were remembered not for what we had but for what we did? What if rather than people saying at in their eulogy that "___was a great man who gave his money to a lot of charities and left a financial legacy for his children" what if instead of that people could stand up with tears in their eyes and say "____was an amazing person who loved his family and his god. He never hesitated a moment when helping people and even though he wasn't a rich man he gave everything he had to make this world a better place without ever thinking of the return." wouldn't it be so awesome if your eulogy told the world that your legacy was humanity and not wealth, not fame, not obligations; but rather faith, and hope, and love, and charity and honesty? I hope that when i die the world doesn't care i don't want to leave a legacy that the world admires rather i want to leave a legacy that God admires. in sorrow and in shame i give my all to helping those who cannot help themselves, i give my time to those who have none, i give my patience to those who must yet learn theirs and first and foremost i give myself to idea that while i alone cannot change the world the world itself WILL NOT change me. Good faith my friends live your life like every second is your last, you never know when God will call you home. it is by faith that we must live our lives because by faith God created us to live for HIM! He didn't have to it was his choice, the story of creation says that in the beginning God created....let me tell you something before God created God chose to create. Don't disappoint him people too many already have.

drama drama drama it's amazing how much drama men can create amongst themselves

wowsers living with two men is hard. as anyone who knows me knows i live with two men right now, for a minute only, i hope. one is don who has been mentioned before in this blog because of his harshness and lack of tact. the other is my baby's dad, a nice guy for the most part but lazy and kinda of dumb and well in all reality the absolutely most emotionally immature 28 yr old man i have ever met. either way it just surprises me that they can create so much drama amongst themselves. it really can't be compared to anything i have ever experienced. there is just no way describe it accurately. the best i can do is say it's something like living with a Nazi and a Jew and i am the voice of reason here. i feel the USA in the midst of the world war, caught up here in all this drama not really sure why i'm here but feeling like i'm on the front lines for an unknown cause. the only difference is that i'm trying not to take either of their sides but am siding with the security and stability of my son. neither lance nor don is really liking this idea but what more can i do. i feel like the translator between the Chinese and the french and i'm the only person in the whole world who can speak both languages fluently. oi vay, i can't wait for aaron to get here, he will be here tomorrow. that will give me some reprieve i only hope that these two men can handle themselves respectfully and cautiously when left alone with each other. i think that don needs to just go find something to do to occupy himself and lance needs to think before he opens his big mouth. the problem with the two of them is that take everything so personally! and today's blow up was just a stupid miscommunication. lance wanted the keys to go unlock the car and don said it's unlocked and lance said i was just out there and the door was locked. so don wigged out about respect and called lance a punk and a bitch and then lance of course got all offended and pissed off about it. i told don he was lucky that lance was not a more ballsy or aggressive person otherwise that whole mess would have gone to blows in my living room and they both would have gotten their asses kicked by me. and of course had that happened don would be back in prison and lance would be in jail for assault or disturbing the peace or whatever cuz goodness knows things are never easy when people start in with violence. i think was a stupid thing altogether. Lance should have tried more than one car door, duh. But don should have been a lot less aggressive and taken it a lot less personally than he did. both of them were just being asses and i got dragged into it as always. i do so wish they were both better at communication and i didn't have hear about any of it. how nice the world would be if we could all just communicate coherently with one another.

wow what a crazy life we live

As i sit here thinking about life and school and all the time we waste it somehow baffles me that even i the epitome of organization, strong memory and perfectionism can somehow get so caught up in the little things that i fail to do my assigned reading. it is so bizarre. not that it makes a difference anyway as i am having trouble remembering everything i need to remember for psych but wow. This is crazy, of all things i have a test today on the chapters i was supposed to read and lo and behold i have not read them. thus said i must really get to work considering i only have a few hours until school starts and i am supposed to go get my new tattoo today. oh life is so full all the time i do wish there was more time. no; i really just wish i was better at time management. o well lessons learned i suppose. but for future reference, life is good.

crazy first day learning new school supplied computers

school begins in onlly four hours gettin pretty nervous.

well school starts in four hours and i'm getting more and more nervous and the time draws near. yesterday i went to the mall and spent $300 on school approved clothes, i.e business attire. i bought some high end stuff cuz it fits well and it's comfortable. but i'm not sure how i will i look in it. taking pictures once i'm dressed and will be posting them in this blog later tonight after i get home from school. hope i look good, the new clothes make me feel good about myself too and i think that has to be good for my learning. if you feel good about yourself you feel more confident, and the more confident you are the better you are at everything you do. so i'm glad i spent too much money on new clothes, i think they were worth it. O an if you're a big girl or you know a big girl who needs to find a good place to buy clothes or sexy bras and panties Lane Bryant is the place to go! no joke! the prices are high if you're a walmart shopper but i think the way they fit and make you feel is worth it! never again will i buy my dressy clothes from a walmart rack.

o so the day have flown by again

so the days have flown by again and here sit with so much to say even sure how to say it. it is so crazy how life just takes over even when you think you have it under control. school starts on tuesday and for that i am glad. it has been long month's wait. i am nervouse but mostly i am excited i can't wait to start my future at long last. it will be such a huge change for me going to sschool everyday and raising my son but i am so glad for the ability to to do so, i am so thankful for having that kind of freedom it is such a great thing.

" A beautiful Blessing" Follow this link and grab atissue cu if you have any heart at all you'll not want to ruin your keyboard

http://www.simpletruths.tv/mybb/



i dunno if that will link so please copy and paste if it doesn't it is a blessing. it's so beautiful it will make you cry. it is a true blessing and i am sending it to anyone it the world who cares to share it.

Just wanted to say a little something about my lil boy and tell the world how proud i am to be his mommy

this should say it all! look at that face i'm so proud to be his mommy and he is the most awesome kid ever. note to anyone who has read my profile i should explain a few things. in my profile it say i have four kids and i do. but only the baby lives with me. the other three well here are some pics of them:








i hope that worked lol anyway those are my lil munchkins they aren't the most recent pics of the two older boys cuz for some reason the SD memory card slot on this laptop isn't working but that's the kids and they are all gorgeous. i love my babies.

The two oldest boys Devin and Kyle live with my mum and my daughter Bailey livs with my cousin. They were all three adopted by their respective families. unfotrunately Idaho State didnt let my mum adopt bailey but she has a great life and i'm glad my cousin has her.

WOW i'm talented >>>>>>>>

look at that i can follow myself, lol. dont ask me how i did that one but whatever, now i feel popular lol. today is such an off day actually this whole week is. two days ago i couldn't figure out a program on my new laptop and it turned out to be as simple as double clicking lol and then earlier today i needed to go buy some cheap sunglasses cuz i left mine at my moms and she lives in another town and i'm walking thro this store and not finding them and stop to ask the lady and she looks at me like i'm nuts, they were right behind me lol. i guess we all have our stupid days lol. its a riot tho when you think about it.
i'm glad i can laugh at myself it makes lifes os much brighter, i mean seriously if you cant laugh at your own silly mistakes you're in for trouble. im thankful for that ability its one of my best traits probably, and one of the thinge i like most about myself. it's good be happy i tell you what, it sure beats being sad all the time.

I am back lol

well two days with no posts and i am back. i have officially decided that i don't wan to add everything from my journal here lol. it's too muc h work and i have been feeling lazy lately. as far as some stuff i owe myuself at least one public affirmation for to day so i'm gonna try to do that lol....hmmm....the affirmation of the day is: i am strong, i am vibtrant, i am full of life, i have everything i need to be happy and more to day i am unstoppable!
Yeah that's a good one i needed it lol. so what has happened, hmm nothing of importance i guess. i have just been sitting around being lazy paying bills and pretending like that it doesn;t bother me to be broke. but we all know the truth because even for those of us who put little emphasis on how much mooney we have it creates great stress when we have none. in a sense i envy the people in third world countries who have no idea what its like to have money and while they may not like being poor they are surrounded by only the poor and (i know this because i have a friend from the phillipines ane he told me) they dont not know envy the way we americans do. i admit i feel envy when i see a family or a person with a house that's suitable to their family size and enough food and a car and all the little things that look like fun but i dont have because i can;t afford them. but i also i am so thankful for what i do have because i do have a home even if it's small and i do have food even its not exactly what i want and i have some toys that i am lucky to have because i know people. and i am happy and that is one thing i don't envy of the rich i believe they are not that happy. they do not know true joy because being rich causes them to focus on the grabage that comes with wealth. so while i am poor by american standards i am rich filipino standards but none of that matters because i am happy, i have my family and my health and enough common snese not go into too much debt and i am thankful always thankful everyday for the love of my God and ability to wake up to a new day and hopefully have a new experience. LIFE IS GOOD
yes today is already a good day and it has only just begun, what will happen later i can not know but i am looking forward to it because even if it's bad at least it's a lesson learned. thank you and God bless.

positive affirmation of the day and some speculation to boot.

well today hmm today i am resilient, i am reliable, i am steadfast, i am true to myself and today i am a WINNER! today i am thankful for my friends i am thankful for my home and my son and today more than anything i am thankful for the strength to say no when things get sketchy.
i realized that yesterday no one annoyed me enough to require a change in my though process. yesterday was an amazing day the only way it could have been better was if someone would have offered up some affordable housing. aside from that it was a perfect day. i went out last night with Kelly and we talked for like three hours it was nice to catch up and just be with someone i didn't feel obligated to in anyway. today because of yesterday i feel like the world is a bright and happy place. i cannot wait to see what's in store for me today.

Have you ever been "in that place" you know the one

have you ever been at that place in your life where you discover you're totally and utterly dissatisfied with your life and you feel like there is nothing you can do about it. i have and i am. i'm not happy with my current situation, well i dunno, it's hard to explain, im a happy person and i have a lot that i'm thankful for but there are things i just don't want in my life anymore. like the situation with don. he is a good guy for the most part, kind of an ass most of the time but he treats me well and yet i still feel like there is something more out there. i am certain that the reason i started this whole deal for the year was because of this. who else can i vent to about these complicated issues. my mom don't get it and she always says to me "but you can't do it on your own" and this i know is true, and don seems perfectly content here doing this, whatever it is that we're doing, and pretending like he doesn't know. and btw he does i've told him how i feel, and he is, well, i guess he figures it's a phase or something. why do men do that? people for that matter why do they just assume everything is a phase? i mean seriously if you're spouse is cheating on with you a bunch of people it's not a phase. if your bf/gf says they're not happy in the relationship and are only in it cuz it's convenient it's not a phase. i mean i hate to hear bad news as much as the next girl but i am a firm believer in 'if you love it set it free'. For instance aaron...i can't explain that one but let me tell you something....all this time and he meets this girl which is awesome cuz i want him to be happy, but sad cuz i wanted it to be me. so he says 'i know you love me and i dont wanna hurt you but this girl is amazing'. was i sad? of course i was, but i know the way life is and i didn't let it bring me down. then a few day ago he says to me 'it didn't work out'. was i happy? well, selfishly yeah, but i was sad too cuz he was a little sad by it. and so now he's single, but i live with don who is still paying all the bills in spite of everything and who will be doing that until i finish school. and in a sense i hate him for it. i mean i am thankful but of the million times i've asked him to please just go he keeps fighting. yeah sure maybe that means he loves me but i dont love him and that's not fair to him either. what i really think is that (and if you knew him you would understand this) he is being difficult because he can. it's as simple as this, don is the kind of person who finds a reason to hate something if everyone says its great, he will find something wrong with a flawless person because people say the person is flawless. he will run a red a light because the guy in the next car said he wouldnt and he will sit through a green light cuz the guy in the car behind him honked his horn. he is, lets just be frank, an asshole and above and beyond that(and perhaps most frustrating) he enjoys it. he takes pride in it. and there is no doubt about it. he admits being proud of being an ass he boasts about his assholiness to anyone who will listen. it's so frustrating. anyway all that was said just to enforce that i believe he is only here now not because he loves me or my son but because he was told he couldn't if you know what i mean.
so here i sit like a morbidly self-righteous painting of the queen assuming that people give a rip about my stupid mistakes. but i think in reality it's More about people listening. maybe one lost soul will be considering the relationship for convenience and i DO NOT recommend it. life is hard enough without having to wak up one day and realize that you hate the one person in the world who has actually done something for you. its so much easier to just never have gotten involoved. i love don on so moany levels but i dont have any intention of being with him until the day he dies. i said him not me cuz he almost 20 years older. i assume he will die first but who knows the good lord may see fit the stirke me down for betrayal or something. well my sweet wonderful aaron is calling i must go out ya'll and GOD BLESS no really i mean it.

positive affirmation of the day and some speculation to boot.

today i am beautiful, i am strong, i am successful, i am brave, i am responsible and today i will make good choices that benefit the future of myself and my son. today i am thankful again for my health, thankful for my son, my home, my passions and my hobbies.
last night after finished catching up i started reading the blogs of other authors and realized i'm so glad i dont have to pay for this. so many people are better writers than myself and so much more insightful i doubt anyone would really want to read my blogs if they were compared the writings of others. the poetry and insight i have found in some of these blogs is wonderful i've actually decided to follow them publicly because well they are so great. anyway i just thinks it's one of those funny things. that's all for now maybe more later.

January 2, 2010 started in the journal at 9:45am

positive affirmation of the day: i am patient i am kind i am beautiful i am successful i am strong i am smart and no one can bring me down not today not ever.
the day has just begun, Don made me my coffee and now john and i are watching "handy manny's motorcycle adventure" on DVD. here about 10a i am going to call jummy and see about getting another computer. i cant' access my eBay account very conveniently without one. i can go online with my phone (wow technology is an amazing thing isn't it) but it's kind of a pain in the butt. I am hoping there will be enough money after taxes to get a new phone one that has a better Internet server. i think i want a blackberry i saw some really cool one on eBay. so maybe i will do that. At some point today i'm going to try to pack up the Christmas decorations and get them back in the shed so i can some space in my kitchen. it is so small. not that im not thankful for this tiny home that i own but i am thinking i want to sell it. i need a bigger space to work in. i need a kitchen that doesn't irritate me and would really like to have sewing/craft room. i have so much sewing/craft stuff that it's all stored outside in the camper because this 550sqft house is just not big enough. and besides all that john's room is only 4x6 and even though his bed is built in and custom i sont think its good enough/ my boy deserves a room where he can have all his toys and not have to worry about getting locked in or out if something falls on the floor. i originally wanted to add-on to my house but but the yard is soooo small that an addition will make it practically non-existent lol. besides i thinks its time for a change we have been for a year and i feel like it's about time we pass it on to the next people.
10:20a i tried to call jimmy he was unavailable but ryan was there and he said they could fix the laptop i laughed. i can't wait til i get the one from school then i will not have to worry so much about it. well off to the trenches so to speak i have to take the laptop down and let them try to fix it lol.
11:50p well so now here i sit having typed everything form the journal for today into this blog realizing that i still have not done my 5 things to be thankful for or my 3 nice things about the people that annoyed me. so my five things for the day. are my new laptop (i know i know but hey at least i got a new one) my son as usual, my health, my school, and my home. they are all good enough reason to be happy i'm alive lol. and three people annoyed me interestingly enough no one has annoyed me today. not sure what's going on but i will still say 4 nice things bout people. my sister linda is great shes such a good mom, and my best friend jamie is such a good friend i'm Lucky to have her and aaron he's my other best friend i love him sooo much aaron is the sweetest man in the world it's that simple.
so onto the events of the day for anyone who cares to know no doubt about it being boring we drove around all day looking for a new house lol and i got my new computer so when i got home i had to set that up. then of course there was dinner homemade pizza with chicken, olives, spinach and white sauce sooooo good a special thank to papa murphs for the idea. it came out wonderfully. i spent half the evening on the phone with aaron talking about nothing in particular and then working on this blog. so aside from that the day was boring boring boring. no one tried to run the baby over with a shopping cart but one guy in a big red chevy thought his big old v8 truck could race my honda, guess what...he soooo lost! it was funny and i think he got mad cuz his wifey poo flipped me off i just smiled and waved. what else should i have done the guy tried to run me off the road at first and then at the next stop light he waved a challenge at me. i had to do it. now had i lost i would have been annoyed with him maybe since i did get a little irritated by his stupid stunt trying to run me off the road i should say something nice about him....hmmm well his truck was pretty anyway i would say his wife was pretty too but i changed my opinion of her when she flipped me off. isn't funny how that works. the most gorgeous woman can become the ugliest you've ever seen because of a word or gesture...hmmmm food for thought really. anyway it is now officially january 3 so i should say goodnight. i hope my ramblings are interesting to someone.